Payday Sunday

I am writing this while standing in a massive line for our pay checks. Not only do these lines turn even the most patient worker into a raging barbarian, it also resulted in many brawls and injuries. I was fortunate enough to shove myself into a position near the front of the line where Mr. Mini Mew gave me my pay. I had narrowly escaped several fights to end up standing nearly touching the people beside me in the line. Not even the aroma of the flower arrangements could cover the body odor of my compatriots.

By the power and authority bequeathed in Mr. Mini Mew, Mr. Ian D. King is hereby appointed to the rank of Securities Head 2c, where he shall carefully and diligently carry out his duties. By Her Highness' Command, Madame Hippy Chick

It had gone to the point where the HRs began to line the people using plants that were rumored to have hypnotic effects. I was glad, hypnosis or not, that the crowd started to get under control as though an invisible hand had taken hold of them.

New Backup HQ

A group of dedicated HR toiled into the wee hours of the night to make a safe working environment that is less austere and spartan for the workers. Imagine my surprise when the next morning I was told that the new HQ backup was completed. We also had new uniforms.

Me in the old uniform standing beside the new.

A red carpet greeted me as I walked to the doors. Standing in the front was a row of desks that seemed to be made out of pure gold. Columns in the resting area, I later learned, were obtained from the ruins of a temple on the island of Crete. However, a designer thought they looked better standing upside-down so he had them modified.

Roman columns before they were transported and modified for SWAT.

A bag of popcorn was later thrust to me by Lady Jesza-in, a kind gesture of welcome into the base. The popcorn had extra butter on it that was freshly melted, with a crunch and a liquid sensation in the mouth that moviegoers had enjoyed for several decades. I later learned that a popcorn machine had been obtained from a movie theater that had recently shut down.

This is making me drool...

I saw that just before she handed me the bag, Jesza-in drizzled a bit of coconut oil and sprinkled some salt on the popcorn. Now I shall repeat the steps to ensure that my home has better tasting popcorn for my houseguests during movie nights. A rare dinosaur egg is also present, having been painted black for the company's badge color.

Painted black by a bunch of specialists

A wonderful flower arrangement has been provided by the company for the ones in security. Its scents wafted through the entire headquarters, providing a rich perfumed aroma for all workers to smell. In the training room, a black-and-white checkered floor that was provided by the gracious workers of See's Candies ignited memories of chocolate and candies.

If SWAT is trying to get us off a diet, they're doing a good job.

Pigging out at the Bar

I went to the bar at the new base and was surprised at the new delicacies that were offered. Mademoiselle Danie gave me the same plastic cup for all beverages but I was surprised at how much SWAT has improved their quality of food.

A traditional medicinal tea was shipped all the way from Thailand to ensure the health of all the individual workers. A quick sip told me that my body was being detoxified and I could feel all the poison leaking into my lymphatic system the more I drank. Before I knew it, I finished downing the entire mug.

I forgot to take a picture since the tea was so refreshing, so I had to go onto Google.

Coffee from the Arabian part of Asia assailed my taste buds next. Mademoiselle Danie had agreed to let me take pictures of the behind-the-scenes processing of the hot beverages being made in a traditional way. It took longer, but the taste was worth it.

These brands are way better than Starbucks or Tim Hortons!

The next beverage was a drink of water, which was rumored to come from Switzerland. However, I longed for something more tasteful so Mademoiselle Danie took a cup of her homemade eggnog and gave it to me. The taste was sublime. I decided to take a photo with a tiny branch from a Christmas tree that I snapped off from my own home. I was about to put it in the compost bin after work but I thought the branch still had some use...

I regret not being able to drink more than a cup, since it was high in egg yolk and sugar content

Organic juice ended my beverage pig-out and I opted for some organic blueberry juice. It was supposed to be an antioxidant as well as a night-vision improver. It was also the most recommended beverage by the HRs. The fact that the HRs were starting to restrict our diet lead me to suspect that missions against the infidels will start soon, and the organization needed all the agents to be as fit as possible.

As I was about to snap a picture, an explosion came out of nowhere and I saw that part of the room had been utterly destroyed. This would later on be revealed as a Great Trashing by Mr. N. A. Bz. 10. I was then hurried to the backup base.

Promotion at a Small House

For the first time today, I was promoted in the house of an HR instead of inside the workplace. I suppose that there will be a lot more firsts for me after today. It started as a friendly suggestion to visit and discuss our plans for a future Jedi Temple. However, the kind Mr. Blake 1419 decided to promote me right there and then.

By the time I took this screenshot, I already got promoted

The room was spartan, with only a bamboo plant as the only other source of life. A thing that caught my eye was the beautiful Chinese Ming vase in the corner. Monsieur Blake told me he had to travel to China to procure such an amazing artifact.

Monsieur Blake painted some of the patterns with gold in hopes to make it more appealing.

Shaping the Future

A dear friend of mine, Mr. Death Note 2009, was promoted today as I congratulated him. Little did I know that the same HR, Monsieur Blake 1419 would later promote me.

THIS CERTIFIES that Blake 1419 has promoted Death Note 2009 in the security center. On the 18th day of January, 2013 in the presence of Ian D. King.

A new art exhibition moved in later in the day: it was the first glass cube to be painted white by a German artist/scientist. Her invention would later be called vinyl and used widely in furniture and appliances. A team of experts sealed it in a glass cage with lights shining on it. Another one arrived afterwards and the same procedure was repeated.

The workers let me take a picture before they moved it onto the display case.

The Tour of the New HQ Part II

Tour of SWAT HQ, PART II

A medallion graced a podium on top of a large black box. On it lay a famous medallion painted by Michelangelo himself for the Sistine Chapel. Its presence was explained by a blue ribbon wrapped around the medal, which read 'Congratulations on your New Establishment from the Vatican'.

I could not take a picture of the medallion since photography wasn't allowed in the training area. I had to resort to Google instead for a picture.

In the establishment to the right, several vintage arcade machines resided. I later learned our staff had customized the machines, which must have cost a lot without counting the money that was needed to procure it at auction. Then I realized that the machine hosted the game Shutterstock. The Shutterstock company had grown from a one-game industry to a firm that had domination over several video games and vintage pictures. Their earliest game, also named Shutterstock, would've cost at least a million.

This machine hosts the game Shutterstock, a classic 1980s multiplayer game.

A classic red TV was also present. However, many staff complained that it only showed black and white and had no controls. This is because an HR decided that it was too distracting for employees so he cut off all the controls and only let it show black and white silent movies. A multitude of workers had just left for their afternoon shift so the area was still littered with garbage. Very inconsiderate, since there was a garbage can just beside them.

Inside the bar area, Danie the waitress greated me and told me how she regretted that I had missed the opening party. Being the kind lady she was, Danie gave me a portrait that a famous artist had painted of her during the opening party that I was not able to attend.

Danie was not happy to pose for almost two hours while the artist finished his picture.

There was a mirror in the back of the bar area but it was badkly damaged when a mob of drunk guests threw themselves against it as a way of impressing Mademoiselle Danie. Since then, Mme. Danie covered the glass up with several gifts from her friends at 7-11.

The Tour of the New HQ Part I

I was so excited to see the result of almost a day of construction involving a great multitude of people that I hurried to see what was going on. I was almost crushed as I was rushed into the new headquarters by what I could only describe as a roaring ocean composed of people from all walks of life. Inside, this is the scene I first saw.

The Grand Opening of SWAT, section I

The great marble floor has been replaced with black tiles that were devoid of dust. They looked like a natural rock formation with cracks and some wave patterns engraved purposely for that. The front desks were the same but they were more spacious than before. I also realized that the training area was completely revamped. There were several new pieces of furniture in that amount of space. I was first lead into the training area via the waiting room. The entire floor space was covered in the finest wood that echoed against my boots as I walked. I was later told that the wood had been made from trees only without a single bit of other material added, as is most wooden floors these days. On the side are the two black benches you see here, covered with the finest felt. Inside the training room itself, chairs covered with red silk were lined in rows as straight as soldiers do in an Army exercise. A podium was erected using pure bronze shone with prestige and glamor overlooking the red chairs.

Dark brown wood, made with 100% natural trees.

I was then lead to another section of the training area.